Christmas – Recently Stopped Talking to Mom
Let me start off by stating I was not physically abused by my mother. I grew up in a single parent household with my mom & brother. My brother is 9 yrs younger than me and we have never been close. She dotes on him like he is walking perfection. I have always been the sensitive one in the family. I always felt ugly and not good enough. My mother would explode in bouts of anger and say hurtful things to me that cut me deep.
I’m 35 yrs old now with a 13 yr old daughter. I see all the hardships she goes through at this stage and it only serves to remind me of how distant, uninvolved and callous my mother was to me at 13.
I have had depression since high school. Went to college (without any support from my mother) and made a decent life for myself and my daughter. Over the years my mother married my stepfather, whom I love dearly. I still harbored a lot of past resentments towards my mother, but once she got married and was happy we forged a better relationship.
My parents are very comfortable financially. Four cars, two houses later my mom decided to retire at the age of 47. I was laid off from a very high paying job 3 yrs ago and times have been extremely hard on me. I lost my house in a nice suburb and had to move into an apt in a bad neighborhood. Therefore I decided to let my daughter go to live with her father and his parents for a better life.
I said all that to say, my mother has NEVER once offered to help me. We would talk at least 3-4 times a week so she knows my struggles with depression and finances. She helps my brother with anything he asks for, but if I ask it’s “I don’t have it”. Yet she calls me to tell me about all her latest purchases and what not?!
I’ve just had it so I decided to basically stop talking to her. Having no familial support when I’ve been at my lowest made me see she has never valued me. Family is supposed to help each other if possible and I can’t imagine allowing my daughter to suffer the way my mother has allowed me to. Not even $100 to pay a utility bill…I mean no help whatsoever. At my lowest all I had to eat was tuna fish every day.
I am currently looking for a job, but since my vehicle was repossessed I don’t even have a way around due to where I live. My mother never even offered to let me use one of her FOUR cars until I can get back on track. I have pushed down a lot of past resentments and we had a pretty good relationship up to this point.
I just can’t get past the anger of feeling like I’m actually all alone. She could care less about me and all I’m going thru..and it hurts!
I’m torn because I love my mom but I finally see how she truly feels about me when the chips are down. So I sent her a letter and told her exactly how I feel. My mother is extremely selfish and shuts down the minute there is conflict so we are now no longer speaking..
I just don’t know how to feel about it. I’ve never got motherly love from her, but that’s still my mom. Ughhh…
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