My mother was an anxious person. She panicked easily (and often). There were drugs in the cabinet to help her with this. Librium was the main med, I think. She was also a sad person, an envious person, a doubtful person, an insecure person, a fearful person. When things were going well and life was […]
My Best Christmas with my Mom
This sharing is about one of the last Christmas holidays I had with my mom before she passed away. More on that later.
You must know that I have a to say the least difficult relationship with my mom. It started right before my birth. My grandma was dying and my mom couldn’t be with her mother because she was about to become a mom herself. She resented this situation because she had unfinished business with her mom (!).
The next challenging thing was when my baby brother came along 3 years after I was born. My mom felt that she had to protect him from his somewhat wild sister (me), and the way she thought would do the trick is to burn me down to the ground all the time. I seriously thought something was wrong with me, but after years of soul searching, I concluded that something was wrong with my mom.
All my childhood, I just couldn’t get along with mom, couldn’t agree with her and rebelled her a big headache. But when I had my life together and everything went smoothly and well, my mom her time had come. This opened my eyes for the temporary nature of her life time and our still strained relationship. It was time to change this, and I was not going to wait for her to make the first move. Or rather, I figured she couldn’t make the first move since her ailment was a failing heart. Emotions were just too much for mom and inside that proud woman, lay a broken little heart. So I decided to make a first move to improve our relationship.
December came along and I started making plans for Christmas Day. I brainstormed hard and long on how to have a harmonious family get together. Lots of things wouldn’t have worked, but one thing would stand a chance. This turned out a genius move! Wanna know what happened?
Besides the usual family members, I invited a very best friend of my mom for our Christmas dinner. Of course this didn’t go without the appropriate fuzz (where-will-the-dinner-be questions, OMG that is so much travelling time! and special dietary requests!), but she committed to attend the whole thing.
To make a long story short: we had an amazing Christmas together. Looking back and taking the pictures out of the folder, I only see a very happy mom and a very cheerful bunch of people.
This is to be treasured.
How can you have more happiness and more peace of mind, what is the key to this?
For this holiday season, take it step by step and start with the major relationship: the one with your daughter. Learn these valuable relationship skills and be forever done with relationship stress!
Happy holidays and much love from Mother-Daughter-Relationship Problems Tips.
Happy holidays coming up?
Holidays bring you enough things to do and think about and some of those things are not that pleasant, like drama and tension. How to make the holidays easier? Read on.
Take a minute to imagine that you have a happy holiday season with mom, your family, your spouse and the kids. That everything falls in place. You get the support you need. See yourself sitting at the dinner table with your loved ones. Everybody you want to have at your table, is present. The food tastes great, and smells delicious. Soft candle light shines at the table. It looks fabulous. There are no hard feelings and everybody is enjoying each other’s company. Everybody is having a great time. This is the great gift of family togetherness. Best of all, all your loved ones see that you play a central role in bringing the family together in this state of caring and joy and they love you for it!
Maybe reality is gruesome different for most of us as relationships can be full of awkward tension. But how would you like to be done with the stress, aggravation, the tiresome drama and endless going back and forth? You know you can’t please everybody. You know it’s hard enough to at the least please yourself. Do you have enough of compromises and stress during the holidays?
If so, there is a way. Decide today that this holiday season is going to be different.
Decide that you will have more control, more peace of mind, more ease and importantly also more fun.
How can you have more control, more peace of mind, ease and more fun?
What is the key to this? The key to happiness is setting up happy relationships.
For this holiday season, take it step by step and start with the major relationship: the one with your mother. Learn these valuable relationship skills and be forever done with relationship stress!
Learn how to:
- Take charge of your unwanted emotions like sadness, anger, upset;
- What to say and what not to say to your mother;
- Turn a bad relationship around into something that works for you;
- Deal effectively with hurt and make room for positive feelings;
- Start to feel truly happy;
- Get the support you need from your loved ones;
- Be more happy with yourself!
Have a great holiday season filled with deep affection and love!
Where is the Love?!
Making ends meet as a single parent raising my daughters, and grandchildren
I raised my daughters by myself for over 20 years. I worked, volunteered, worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. It was a struggle and some hardships along the way, but by the grace of God I was able to persevere.
I helped with raising my grandchildren for the past 10 years and even though at times I wanted to run away, I pressed forward.
Now that my oldest daughter and 2 of my grandchildren move to East Chicago, IN area because of her boyfriend is a truck driver and he needed to be close to his job. That was fine, she needed to move on with her life and her kids.
And my youngest daughter will be getting married this next August and I am happy for her and her finance, but and her comes the BUT, I feel let out with her wedding day and I am not important to her.
That’s how I’m feeling right now, and that I don’t mean a thing to her and to my other daughter as well. I did so much for my family and grandchildren that I thought things would be different between me and my daughters. I guess it’s not and that makes me feel so unloved and used at the same time. You see I have been helping my oldest daughter with finances and that comes right out of my own pocket.
I get so upset at times and that’s why I feel used. My other daughter hasn’t even asked me to help her with her wedding, because she is having a few people at her church help instead. WHERE is the consideration???
I don’t get it and on top of that I don’t get to see my youngest grandson, who is my youngest daughter’s son, when I use to see him every Saturday. He’s 8 years old. I raised him ever since he was born. His father is not thinking about my feelings either.
Is there help for me, I just want to pack my bags and move to another state so I can have a life of my own…..
I am a bad daughter but I can’t help it
I’m a bad daughter I always argue with my mom. I lied to her often. I stole her makeup or money. I didn’t did my chores and I think I never even respect her as a mother.
One of my cousins has such a good relationship with her mom. If I met her with her mom she’ll hug her kiss her.
We simply talk about life together. I envy it. I want to have a great bond with my mom.
I know she loves me but my ego is just too big.
I want to apologize n I want to bond with my mom but I can’t.
I just don’t know how to express it..
My mom said that by end of this year she’ll be living by herself and she wants to divorce too. And I’m the reason why.
I want to improve our relationship but it’s too late maybe. I love her but I can’t express it. I need her but I can’t say it. I want to talk /discuss about life with her but I can’t even say anything..
I wish someone can help me with my problems….
If You Have a Bad Relationship with You Mom…
3 compelling reasons why you MUST learn more about your bad mother-daughter relationship
- Because now you learn how to take charge of your unwanted emotions, like sadness, anger, upset
- Because you stop wasting time being unhappy and hurt and can start enjoying life better
- Because you can stop being a victim in a bad relationship with your mother and feel upset every time she does or says something nasty to you, or ignores you all together.
Sssst, quiet and listen…..