I Understand Completely by Jenny

I Understand Completely by Jenny

Reading some of the articles in this blog was like reading the exact description of my mum, with the exception that mine is able to appear completely normal to outsiders, making people doubt my stories about my family.
I feel that my mum is almost certainly unstable, as do my siblings and dad. Dad doesn’t even live with us anymore as she has driven him away. Mum doesn’t understand that our family IS NOT normal, a fact that I’ve only realized since I was about 13, and is driven home as all of my friends have the most delightful families.
One of my mum’s favorite tactics is “divide and conquer” – she pits us against each other and dad in order to keep control. Also, she constantly accuses US of what she does wrong.
On top of every situation that you have described, my mum has the most annoying and embarrassing tendency to dress in my clothes!! She wears crop tops and boody shorts that even I wouldn’t dare to wear, and seems to feel this is appropriate despite our protests.
The worst thing, though, is that we have a very large family, so, when I compare my situation to a friend’s in order to show mum how ridiculous mine is, she claims “but you can’t compare us to people like that” or whatever.
Honestly, I feel that the only solutions to our situations is to get out as soon as possible. I’m in 11th grade now, so I’m leaving this hell hole soon, hopefully. Furthermore, this is going to make me a better parent to my children one day, as I will always try to never make them feel about me as I do about my mum. Lastly – we are better, stronger people because of the struggles we go through…
All the best and all my love…
Jenny ♡

Mother and Child – The Movie – A Review

Mother and Child – The Movie

Mother and Child, have you seen this movie? It’s about giving away your baby after a teenage pregnancy for adaption. The decision to give up her baby daughter has always haunted Karen, the main character. The given-away-daughter Elizabeth, grows up to be solitary, willful, and hardhearted. She sees the world as a very unfriendly and treacherous place, and rightly so!

The impact on the 14 year old mother Karen, on the baby Elizabeth and on the mother of the teenage daughter, is very strong. The emotional stuff, like fear, shame and enormous guilt.

After seeing the movie, I was touched by the story and drama, especially because mother-daughter relationship problems are coming at women at high impact pain during stressful and challenging events.

In the end of the movie, the given-away-daughter Elizabeth becomes pregnant herself and dies while giving birth to her child. Since no one steps forward to claim the baby, a woman called Lucy adopts her. One year later, Karen finds out about her daughter Elizabeth’s death and letter, which informs her that she has a granddaughter named Ella. She meets the little girl and this is the happy end, thank God!

Some scenes were pretty rough but all and all, I enjoyed the movie.

It’s a given that we live in a society that is not very friendly towards women with teenage pregnancies, single mothers, or anything that escapes patriarchal system, morality and rules. How women try to resolve this and survive the system, is pretty damn creative. In the end, we should demand that the system change or change it ourselves.

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In Honor of My Mum

In Honor of My Mum

All that I am today and all I will ever be, I owe to my Mum.

The Creator took me from my Mother’s womb and placed me in the great loving heart of my adoption Mum.

An very Appreciative Daughter

My Mom is My Sweetheart

My Mom is My Sweetheart

Its wintertime and I got one of those nasty colds for some days now. I’m not happy with this as it sets me back in all the stuff I need to do. But in another way I can’t say it’s bad to take some downtime.

So I’m on the couch with hot tea and orange juice not having an appetite for two days now.

I do another miserable attempt trying to catch up on my reading, when I give up and doze off.

Suddenly my thoughts go to when I was sick when I was a kid.

Of course no school and I remembered my Mom taking care of me.

She bought me tea, orange juice, biscuits and bowl of wonderful vanilla custard, the one creamy custard that I love.

She for sure would have been late for her work, but she wanted to make sure I was taken care of and that I was eating something.

Must have been hard to have me as her daughter, I suddenly realize with a smile.

But she was and is a great Mom and I dearly love her!

My Mom is my sweetheart!

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I Love My Mom, but….

I Love My Mom, but….

Must say that I love my Mom very much. I just don’t know how to express it and especially towards her. I am in my thirties now and go visit my parents on holidays, their birthdays or whenever there is something going on. Seeing my Mom, we somehow most of the time fall into something not short of an argument and before I know it, we start arguing again. This irritates me to no end and I really don’t know how this happens! I always somehow magically forget that it was my plan to tell her how important she is in my life and that I love her.

It is so hard to try to stick to this plan every time I see her!

This makes me so angry and I still really don’t know how this happens.

Any tips?

How about setting a goal on this, like for example:

My goal is to have less arguing when I see my Mom.

OK.

Now think of 3 actions you can do to reach this goal.

For example:

Three actions for Goal # 1: “less arguing”: *

Action 1: Deal with emotions and in particular with irritations and anger;

Action 2: Try to understand Mom’s point of view;

Action 3: Don’t take it so personally!

Best of luck and stick to your goal. Have a great relationship with your Mom!

* From the eBook: Personal Workbook for Daughters

My Daughter Hates Me – Part 4

My Daughter Hates Me – Part 4

Camilla, my daughter had a nervous breakdown and I was desperate to find out why. I saw a counselor and Camilla also had a couple of sessions. The counselor found that Camilla at age 32 is now trying to break loose from me. It is not that I, as a mother has done anything wrong in raising Camilla, but that she now needs more space and stand on her own feet.

The thought of her trying to stand on her own feet in this harsh world, scares me. I feel that my little girl needs my support and guidance still. But if the counselor advised differently, I will give it a try because Camilla’s hostility towards me and the terrible things she has called me, is more than I can handle.

I love her and I want the best for her and now I have to take my hands off her life and let her find her own way. I know Camilla has an intense time ahead of her but believe me, I am going through a hell right now. I am not allow to call her every day, I am not supposed to make claims on her time and her attention and importantly not say or do anything that might upset her, make her feel guilty or small and incompetent. Imagine that! I hope Camilla gets to grow up quickly so we all can move on with our lives.

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My Daughter Hates Me – Part 1

My Daughter Hates Me – Part 1

My daughter Camilla has a nervous breakdown and I can’t understand what happened. She was always a good girl, never disagreed with me, never complained or anything. But now she is saying terrible things to me. She says that I ruined her life and that I am selfish and kept her from getting a job and having a social life and having a boyfriend.

To be sure I never encouraged Camilla to work because she has always been weak and sickly and emotionally timid, shy and introvert. There was no financial pressure for her to have a job and so I thought it would be better for her to stay at home and help out when she could. To make her life easier. But now she is criticizing me for it. All over sudden she changed into a stranger who yells at me that she hates me.

I really don’t understand this and am desperate for a solution!

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My Mom’s Hands

My Mom’s Hands

My Mom’s hands are soft when consoling her crying, tearful daughter,

My Mom’s hands are firm when taking care of household chores,

My Mom’s hands are talkative when relating to my Dad,

My Mom’s hands are tough when dealing with trespassers of any kind,

My Mom’s hands are sad and weak when my Granny passed away….

My mom’s hands are happy, soft and graceful when she hears me telling her that I love her.

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Relating to Happiness?

Relating to Happiness?

Holiday season is coming up. Family gatherings, being together, sharing a big, special meal, feeling connected like a real family…..This supposed to be normal and I think most people have a family and warm place to go to coming months.

For me….I don’t know. My family, my mother… they don’t make me feel warm inside at all, rather thinking of my mother gives me a cold feeling inside my chest.

It’s so sad.

To see a lot of happy people but I just don’t understand how they get to feeling so happy. It’s hard for me to relate to that feeling, to this illusive thing called happiness.

I wish for me to feel more happy, I crave it, I long for it, yet I know I just don’t have that family that makes me happy.

Maybe I don’t deserve it. Call it bad karma. Maybe it’s just not in the cards for me.

Yet I wish, I wish, oh I wish, I had this warm mother who would be able to like me, and take as I am. And maybe love me?

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Human babies need caring, loving physical touch & more!

Human babies need caring, loving physical touch & more!

 

I read somewhere:

“Humans don’t like it when we feel unworthy of being touched.”

 

I reread this sentence again and then suddenly it hit me: my mom never touched me lovingly when I was a baby. Her touch was purely functional: feeding, changing nappies, drying off after bathing, administering baby care products, salves and the sorts…

Feeling unworthy is something that has haunted me all my life. All my hard work and efforts to trying to prove I am worthy and yet mostly failing somehow.

 

It might be somewhat easier to identify an offense or a traumatic incident. But it’s hard to identify a lack, something one has missed out on. Such as the lack of loving, warm, physical touch by your mother’s hand and by her heart.

 

My mom told me that her mother, my granny didn’t touch her eight kids either and so I understand why my mom has a hard time with physical touch and showing affection. She has told me many times how her mother taught her that touch is not good and most of all, shouldn’t be displayed in public. I use to just nod and said “yes Mom..”, but inside I was aching for her physical, loving, caring touch when I needed it the most as a baby. Now as an adult daughter, it time to disagree with mom in order to catch up with the great experience of physical touch, loving, accepting, connecting and caring touch.

 

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