Little Chicken Miracle – Part 1
My Mom taught me who I am by punishing, rewarding, ignoring and giving me attention and care.
Initially I really believed what she taught me about myself and that went on for oh, about 40 years.
This is what she taught me:
- That I am a little chicken
- That I am not worth a whole lot
- That I should fear life and should seek safety and security in material stuff like a house and a good paying job
- That I should also seek psychological security as in finding a husband and as in not taking risks in my relationships (thought this may mean that I should lie to myself and others about my truths!)
- That I should stick to what everybody does because that is “normal”
- That love needs to be earned
- That there is something wrong with me if I think differently from what she taught me.
Then a lot of things happened in a course of a couple of months. Big things. Thing that were out of my control.
- I got laid off
- My husband had an affair and wanted a divorce
- I hurt my back badly
- I lost my savings due to the stock market
- My Mom got a series of heart attacks and passed away
- I felt my Mom and me had so much unfinished business, and now she wasn’t there anymore!
There I was feeling abandoned, feeling worthless, full of fear of life and self-hate on the brink of depression and in a bad health. Oh yeah and full of self-pity! Mom, what have you taught me about life, this is painful and not fair!
Also read Little Chicken Miracle – Part 2, to be published next week!