Mom, Why? – Part 1

Mom, Why? – Part 1

I seem to be living in a strange dream…

Driving me like a whirlwind of painful emotions,

A course no one can follow,

A destiny no one can foresee,

Mom, why have you left me?

More on healing Mother-Daughter-Relationships…

Crossing the Silent River of Change

Crossing the Silent River of Change

What should I do?

I am in a panic mode. Just got word that my mother is very ill. Well what about it, you may think. The problem is that I have not spoken nor seen my mother for almost thirty years. Yes, three zero!

Bad stuff happened between me and my father and my mother never took responsibility for what happened to me, her daughter. So I vowed never ever to speak to her again and never ever to contact her again.

Now almost thirty years later, I actually am getting ready to tell her my truth. Yes I want to let her know my side of the story, but now she is dying

So many strong emotions are being triggered by the news that she is sick. So many images of the past come to life in my mind.

Am I too late to get things in order with my mother? So much unfinished business between her and me. What should I do now?!

More on bringing daughters closer to their mothers and Mother-Daughter-Relationships…

A Danielle La Porte Poem

I like this Poem written by Danielle La Porte!

 Come Closer

“Desire enchants you to the woods

and has you push through the muck

with the patience of a Lotus.

Come closer.

Search everywhere for your keys.

And then she makes you drive all night, desire,

With no map or insurance.

Come closer.

Pull over and find a pen,

write in blood if you must,

these two words:

Want.

Now.

And then

You hold her gaze for

the next clue about how to have all of her

and it’s the same clue sounding different every time

Come closer.”

Danielle La Porte

 

More on Mother-Daughter-Relationships…

Going Shopping with My Mom – Stress

Going Shopping with My Mom

Now and then my mom wants to go out to real stores and touch the stuff she wants to buy. Clothes, shoes, make up, and the sorts.

Going out shopping and she doesn’t want to go out by herself, so I am going out shopping with my mom.

When she announces that she just needs to go out shopping again, my reactions varies from pure panic attacks to mild irritation. Why? Because going out shopping is all about mom and not about me. Sometimes I pretend to be sick and too tired to go with her on her shopping trip. Or that I have too important too heavy load of homework for school. But no, all those tactics don’t work on mom. She literally grabs me and drags me in her car because so much precious shopping time is being wasted by her listening to me whining about why I can’t go out shopping with her. It stresses me out totally!

My friend Tanya who last year moved out from her parents place, gets it. She says my mom doesn’t respect me and forces me to do stuff I don’t want to do. But the question becomes how I am going to say that I want my mom to change and starts respecting what I want or don’t want?!

Somebody has an idea?

More on dynamic Mother-Daughter-Relationships…

Being Your Own Worst Enemy?! (Blame Mom)

Being Your Own Worst Enemy?! (Blame Mom)

You often hear that women are their own worst enemies when it comes to emotions and relationships. I questions this actually, because I think everyone can be their own worst enemy.

Granted, women can make a lot of fuzz and emotional drama (who doesn’t know a drama queen for that matter!), but when it comes to affection, offering support, just listen to what you have to say and friendships, women are the best!

More on Mother-Daughter-Relationships…

A Poem of Anne Sexton

A Poem of Anne Sexton

 

I remember we named you Joyce
So we could call you Joy.
You came like an awkward guest
That first time, all wrapped and moist
And strange at my heavy breast.
I needed you, I didn’t want a boy,
Only a girl, a small milky mouse
of a girl, already loud in the house
of herself. We named you Joy.

I, who was never quite sure
About being a girl, needed another
life, another image to remind me.

And this was my worst guilt; you could not cure
nor soothe it. I made you to find me.

Anne Sexton in: “The Complete Poems”.

 

More on Mother-Daughter-Relationships…

My Best Friend Asked Me….

My Best Friend Asked Me….

 

My best friend asked me in pure desperation: “Anytime my mother get displeased,, irritated, or angry, I immediately feel it’s because of me and I have done something wrong. I get upset by feeling this way. Why the hell does this keep happening to me, it’s frustrating!”

 

I couldn’t give her the right answer, because I do exactly the same thing. Maybe not to the extend my friend does, but basically the same reaction to my mom’s negative emotions.

 

Since this occurs a lot, I think this is a pattern. We daughters want to please our mothers and make her happy. But it’s frustrating, because we can’t make her happy all the time and certainly can’t be responsible for our mothers happiness. Some daughters closed their feelings for this and built a wall around themselves. Their heart became cold and hard. Imagine what happens when they become mothers of their daughter….

 

So what to do?

 

  • Talk to your best friends
  • Get into therapy
  • Get counselling
  • Talk to anyone about this
  • Buy yourself some more chocolate
  • Snap out of it
  • Any other good idea?????

 

More on healing Mother-Daughter-Relationships…

 

 

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